August 27, 2007
It can be very difficult to walk on a different path than others. We know that living lightly on the earth is very important, but it can become more challenging when we do not have the support of others. Recently I have heard that other’s have been doing this for their entire lives - why should what I am doing be special? I have heard that I should have thought about the impact of my children before I had them.
What do comments like these do to us? It alienates those of us who want to make a difference. I am similar to many other people - middle class with children and a mortgage. I grew up without regard to the environment or my thoughtless purchases. I had never washed dished by hand, nor line dried my clothes. I grew up without knowing where my food came from. I even thought that store bought was healthier than homegrown. I was like so many other people.
In the past year, I have chosen to grow my food, line dry my clothes, reduce my energy consumption, and overall lighten my footprint. Why is this special? Because I have not done this for my entire life. This new lifestyle is radical from my old. I am like so many other people while trying to walk down a new path. Because I have not done this for my entire life it is fraught with challenges and things to learn, should I turn around and go back?
I have five children. The comments that I can’t do environmentally friendly things because I have already increased (population) impact are unnerving. When I hear comments like that I think, “So, I should just go buy a Hummer and feed my children fast food from now on?” It does not matter if my children are mine, his, ours, or adopted. It does not matter. They are here. They are part of our lives. Would you tell one of them (to their face) that they don’t belong here? That their parents should not have brought them into the world? Do these comments mean that anyone with more than 2 children should forget about making kind choices? Or should it give reason to do even more? Comments such about family size alienates those with larger families who want to make kind choices. Should they not even consider it?
Living this lifestyle is new in my life. I am attempting to implement the knowledge of my grandmother. There are many others for whom this is second nature. I applaud them for the lifetime commitment to living gently. I also applaud those who are taking their first step down this path - whether it is by line drying their clothing, learning to can, carrying a canvas bag, or walking away from the car. Each step is important. We should not alienate those who want to make a change.
August 27, 2007 at 10:12 am
It seriously hurts my heart to hear that you’ve received such comments. I believe that each child born into this world is here for a reason. I’m not saying that I think every woman should have a dozen—what I am saying is that it is an individual choice that is left up to each couple to determine how many children they bring into this world. It is no one else’s business. If those children are adequately loved and cared for—the number is inconsequential. You are raising 5 children to respect the environment, the resources they are using/have available and to reduce, reuse and recycle. How many people only have 1 or 2 children and their parents are not teaching them anything of the sort—but the exact opposite—to keep up with the Joneses? That is the crime. That is a shame. When driving all over a 4 state radius to every soccer match is valued above teaching one’s children to produce their own food, cut their carbon emissions, and reduce the amount of waste they throw away—that is when we have our priorities messed up. Again, I’m sorry you’ve received some negative comments. I, myself, feel that you are the best possible person to have 5 children. I would have had a nervous breakdown—but you thrive at it and enjoy it too! Ignore the mean people. Your children are lucky to have you as their mom! They each have a purpose on this earth and from the few pictures we’ve seen–they are all beautiful.
August 27, 2007 at 10:19 am
just ducky said what I wanted to say but much better. I have three children and there were times when I struggled, also, with the thought that it was selfish of us to do so. But my mother always says “What will happen if all the good decent people stop having children? Raise them well and they will be a positive for the world.” She’s right. You’re doing great and are an inspiration for others. We’re taking baby steps here, but hope to get to bigger ones soon.
August 27, 2007 at 11:50 am
It hurts when people make comments like what you’ve written about. My first thought when I read this was thinking about how much I’ve changed over the course of my life. My second thought was that making these changes makes me feel like I need a constant pat on the back to say I’m doing the right thing and that it is all worth it.
Your children are incredibly lucky to have a parent who is exploring a new way (old way) to live and who is teaching them how to take care of themselves and the world. We, the blog readers, are so lucky to have you, too, because we need to know that we are not alone in our struggles.
Thank you for sharing with us all. Keep on, keepin’ on.
August 27, 2007 at 12:05 pm
[...] I Don’t Focus on Sustainability Much… Miranda over at Simple Living has been taking some brickbats recently from readers from the sounds of it. For those of you who don’t read her blog (and if [...]
August 27, 2007 at 12:11 pm
How many children you have doesn’t matter a bit. The fact that you’re changing your life and doing what you can is what *really* matters. The people who criticize you do it only because of the way they feel about yourself. If more people would do what you do, and not wallow in self pity, the world would be a better place. Rock on!
August 27, 2007 at 12:53 pm
What a great post! I have had the exact same “epiphany” if you want to call it that. I have changed so much in the last few years (since I brought my own child into this world). The most difficult part has been the nasty, horrible attitude from family and friends alike. It has been terribly alienating. Why I am fair game I will never understand. I am just trying to lead a simple, clean life for me and my daughter. I secretly believe that it makes them feel bad about their own lifestyle. Good luck to you and keep up the great blog!
August 27, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I am so sorry you’ve had such hurtful comments…especially when you’re in the middle of cleaning up from the ‘disaster.’
Though I don’t have children yet, I also have felt the alienation that comes with caring for the environment. I always get strange stares when I pull out my lunch: cloth napkin, no ziploc bags (ie lots of containers), and overall healthy when everyone else has a frozen dinner.
Your blog has been so inspiring to me (and many others I’m sure!) so please don’t get discouraged. One of the beauties of the web is that we can feel like we’re not alone - that’s what I’ve felt - I can feel alone in my world, but online I can feel a connection with others who think/act/feel the way I do.
Anyway - I thought I’d leave you with this quote that came to mind:
One of the penalties of an ecological education is that one lives alone in a world of wounds. - Aldo Leopold
August 27, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Bill McKibben has a book called “Maybe Just One” (I think) that argues for the environmental reasons for having just one child. I have just one child, and his argument makes me think we are right from an environmental standpoint — but that doesn’t say anything for the perspective of a loving heart (and mine is still fighting for another child!).
Perhaps more relevant to this post, his book also makes the very important point that every child raised in America will be an American, and Americans currently use more resources per person than residents of any other country. So it is all the more exciting to see larger families teaching their children caring responsibility! What a wonderful legacy.
August 27, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Hi, I found you while randomly browsing the wordpress “right arrow” options. I’m not at the point of being able to realistically shoot for a 90%, but I’m at least conscious of the concept, and having others also trying to do the same thing is a good light to follow. I was struck by you mentioning the grandmothers - I said the same sort of thing a few days ago (http://alexyearone.wordpress.com/2007/08/24/who-i-want-to-be-when-i-grow-up/) so you are far from alone.
ps I also love your picture a day site!
August 27, 2007 at 2:27 pm
If all of the people who spend time complaining about other people’s private choices would put that time and effort into personal change or political action, all of our efforts would be much magnified. I’m sorry you’ve gotten that response.
August 27, 2007 at 5:20 pm
What Rosa said is right on. I’m always amazed at how critical others can be about your personal choices. It’s a blessing and privelage to have a peek into someone else’s life whom you admire. For people to constantly nitpick your actions/choices can make you insane…believe me, I can relate. I’ve learned to develop a thicker skin…but it doesn’t make it any easier. When you choose to open your life up for people to read about…you’re bound to attract some crabby naysayers.
Just remember that you don’t have to answer to them…it’s just their own opinion. Keep on doing just what you’re doing…you ARE making a difference. A light in the darkness. And just think of your FIVE little activists…going out their in the big world and making a difference. You’re doing a great job!
August 27, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Hmm as one of the children who grew up hearing that my birth ruined my mother’s life/career (a sentiment she does not seem to agree with), I can tell you that telling kids (or letting them overhear them!) is really not a great idea! Again, I agree with the above commentors about the kids.
I wonder, on the topic of alienation, how do you deal with it when you see a friend or coworker tossing away a plastic water bottle, or worse, a piece of printer paper in the trash? This is what I have been having the most trouble with lately.
August 27, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Don’t let the insecure types get to you. You are trying to do something worthwhile, and it bothers some people to know that you exist. This is obviously a blog for sharing thoughts with like-minded individuals, not for judging or converting the biggest slobs roving the internet (though it’s nice to shoot for the stars).
Is the best environmental choice to have five kids? I don’t know, maybe not. But I disagree with the McKibben argument that “they’re all Americans and will consume like Americans.” I know people who live well within their allotment, but I know lots of people who aren’t satisfied with five such allotments. Half the people are below average. In the bell curve, a percent or two are way below average. It seems to me that you and your sizable family of Americans live under this tail of the curve.
August 28, 2007 at 2:19 am
I believe that people like you, me, and probably most of the people that read your blog should have children. The world (especially the USA) need parents that teach their children frugality, sustainable practices, and a genuine love of the earth. I once thought about not reproducing, but now I’m glad I have. I believe KIA willmake a positive difference in the world. I also belive your children will do the same.
August 28, 2007 at 5:27 am
Having read some of the comments on the articles you mentioned, I admit to feeling rather angry with some of those people who commented (on the newspaper articles, not here). Your response here shows that you are taking a mindful approach to choosing how you want to live… and how you want to respond to those who criticize.
Perhaps the most positive difference all of us can make is to open dialogues and share information instead of pointing fingers. I’ve been following some of the same steps as you for a number of years, simply because I grew up seeing some of those “old ways” of living and conserving, but as I take even bigger steps, I’m finding that I learn more when people around me are open to what I’m doing and willing to share their own experiences and memories. I’ve learned a lot from family members who reminisce about their childhoods… even though they live a higher-impact lifestyle now, they remember those old days with fondness. And sometimes, those memories nudge them to make a change or two.
Keep up the good work, Emme… you inspire us all!
August 28, 2007 at 7:27 am
There are people who are programmed to always be critical and see the negative in everything … glass half empty instead of half full … whatever decisions and choices you make in life they will appear. Fortunately our blogs mostly attract like-minded people … but as soon as you go more public, especially into “mainstream” media, you attract those who will react vocally and negatively to whatever you do … the rest will nod quietly in recognition and be inspired.
August 28, 2007 at 8:14 am
I haven’t been reading for long, but to be brutally honest, it sounds like sour grapes to me. its far easier to attack someone, than to admire the positive changes someone’s made and get up off your butt and actually emulate them, put it all into practice.
kudos to you, hon.
keth
xx
August 28, 2007 at 9:16 am
I’ve always figured that if you raise 5 kids who carry on with an environmentally sound way of living, it’s far better than a couple that raises one kid to be a selfish, greedy, mega-consumer. Sorry to be negative, but it is what it is. You should be applauded.
I liked your write-up in the PB and added you to my blogroll. Hope the cleaning is going well…
August 28, 2007 at 9:37 am
[...] latest post discusses the alienation that one feels when they go about the world in a different way, and that [...]
August 28, 2007 at 9:38 am
I have heard arguments to the effect of “you consume much fewer resources so it’s OK for you to have more kids — you still consume less than most families” (etc.). Unfortunately, that doesn’t scale. If every generation grew (by having more than two kids per couple), you would still have exponential growth. So on the whole, we can’t have more than two kids per couple (average). But some people will have none, and some people will have one. So some people can have more and still avoid exponential growth. I don’t think it’s a tragedy (or selfish) to have had five kids. (I think seven and eleven is getting a bit selfish.)
Anyway, our current population crisis doesn’t seem to be centered in the US, just our consumption crisis. And I’d say you’re one of those leading the way in dealing with that problem.
I’ll repeat what I’ve said before, you’re inspiring a lot of people including me. If people spend enough time reading your posts, I think they will be likewise inspired. (And if not, they’re just lame.)
August 28, 2007 at 12:45 pm
I would just like to say congratulations for the article in the Post-Bulletin. You are spreading your message even more and that is great. I also would like to say that I was disgusted by the negative comments some left due to there own beliefs. You are trying to do something I believe is great and leaving you negative compliments accomplishes nothing, it really just makes these people look like complete jerks and not like someone trying to do good for this earth! Anyways Congrats on your articles in PB - I thought they were great!!
August 28, 2007 at 2:57 pm
This reminds me of discussion with my brother years ago about how the internet can be a force of unhealthy social development. I would say your blog and the positive comments that you get here show the positive side of the social interactions on the internet. But there are also many places on the internet where people use the anonymity offered by the internet to say offensive, rude, and hurtful things that they wouldn’t dare say in person. It seems like some people just like to be contrarian and hurtful and the internet provides a forum that encourages that.
August 28, 2007 at 3:38 pm
I think that 5 earth-loving, sustainability-promoting, frugal, simple-living children might just cancel out or neutralize the effects of one selfish, unaware, uncaring individual. At least that’s my hope. We have only one child, and many people criticize us for wanting only one. They think their reasons are valid, too. What is the sound of one head shaking?
August 28, 2007 at 7:20 pm
Your children, being raised to be mindful and full of love, can do a great deal of good. How much is up to them, but they may just help the very ones who criticize you now.
August 29, 2007 at 9:03 am
Just found this blog. Your post summed up my feelings on little changes. Last year I started to line dry my clothes. Though sometime the birds get my sheets and I have to rewash….This year I added composting, recyling, a small garden and canvas bags to the supermarket. (also instead of a p/u truck I got a vibe, much to husband’s dismay) Also have 3 kids. Who I am teaching the above too.
August 29, 2007 at 5:56 pm
It’s disgusting to hear how some people critizice that which is nothing of their business. A commented on a previous post that the number of kids you have is only your and your husband’s business. Now I say the same. And with Rosa I repeat:
“If all of the people who spend time complaining about other people’s private choices would put that time and effort into personal change or political action, all of our efforts would be much magnified. ”
I for myself wanted to have a family of four, but could only have two. So what? In my country religious people try to have as many children as possible. They say it’s out of generosity. Is it that I’m not genrous? Then they ask for more government subsidies for larger families. That must be generosity.
A somebody else in this blog pointed out, the reproductive rate should be on average 2.1 children per couple, to maintain population and do for all those who die young or are sterile. Well, I for one are -0.1. You are 2.9 over ;-D.
Some countries like Kenia or Uganda face a population crisis: too many mouths, too little bread. The USA face a consumerism crisis: too much bread, too much waste. This doesnt have anything to do with the kids people have. And particularly with such well raised kids.
Dont let those morons unnerve you.
I love your blog, I love your revolution. And now I regret I didn’t speak more with my grandparents.
August 29, 2007 at 10:15 pm
I have five children, too. We live in the suburbs and I drive an SUV (Suzuki XL-7 getting 22 mpg). We line dry our clothing. We have a garden. We raise chickens. I often ride my bicycle instead of driving. I bake all of my own bread. We don’t have an air conditioner. We keep our thermostat at 63° during the winter and supplement with the woodstove. We have a tankless water heater.
I never apologize for my lifestyle choices -especially my children! My husband and I support them, provide for all of their needs, and even home educate them. I’d have more, but at my age … well, just suffice it to say that I’d like to not retire the same year my children become adults ;).
It can be unnerving to hear criticism for my choices, but at this point in my life, I can’t change what is, only what will be, and that’s my goal.
I know you’re doing the same. I just wanted to lend a supportive word. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty for making the choices you’ve made, especially if you’re working toward affecting change … which you are ;).
August 30, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Miranda, I get these comments *all the time* and boy oh boy, if you want to get my goat, that’s the button to push. And, of course, commenters know that - they recognize that one’s children are always a sensitive subject.
My favorite part is the idea that you shouldn’t bother because you have X children - that because you have more kids than you share, it doesn’t matter what you do. But of course it does - one family of 7, all using 1/10 the resources of an average household of 2.6 (remember, that’s what we’re pinning ourselves against, average household size) means that your five kids together won’t use the same quantity of resources that 1 average American child will.
Now does that mean that population isn’t an issue? Absolutely not. I’m not sure I’d have four biological children if I knew then what I knew now and could have found a truly reliable source of birth control (and it wasn’t like I didn’t try). But my kids are here now, and the very last thing we want to do is to open up the discussion of population to consider people who are already here, because if we were to do so, let’s just say that your kids and my kids wouldn’t be the first to go ;-).
All of which is just me being snide - all I can say is I know how you feel, and I also admire how gracefully you deal with it. I get snide ;-).
Sharon
August 30, 2007 at 12:56 pm
I was shocked when I read those responses to the newspaper articles, although maybe I shouldn’t have been. It is so disheartening. I agree with what everyone here has said - what you are doing is inspiriational to so many, and you’re giving your kids the tools to be inspirational too!
People sure do like to criticize: I get criticism for the opposite reason sometimes - we have been unable to have kids and so we get hints that our house is way too big for only two people, and how can we possibly be serious about sustainability living in such a big house.
August 30, 2007 at 3:55 pm
I’m sorry to hear about the comments you have received. I will add my voice to the group that says it’s far more important to remember that you are raising them properly and with love. Don’t worry about mean-spirited or small minded folks. My guess is that your life and exmaple makes them uncomfortable, and rather than deal with their own discomfort, or thinking about the real issues you are raising, they lash out at you.
August 30, 2007 at 4:04 pm
Hey! I have a great idea (well, maybe not seriously). We could trade kid carbon credits! My husband and I have no children, so we could trade our carbon units for those used by two of Miranda’s kids. Given they’ll produce so little carbon, since they’re being raised right, it won’t set back our attempt to get our house in order.
More seriously, there are always those who just want to be critical for whatever reason, and those (few) oldtimers who resent ‘newbies’ rather than celebrating that a new person is rounding up a whole new group of people to do what the oldtimer said was RIGHT ALL ALONG! I can’t quite figure out this phenomenon, but it happens in every field. The posts in response to the newspaper articles just made me aware that we have to be ready for resentment from people who’ve been ‘doing this for years,’ as well as those who don’t take the situation seriously.
Thankfully, far more of the seasoned environmentalists and sustainable-living types are thrilled by the new energy in the movement rather than grumpy. In a way, I’m one. I’m in my late forties,and have done a lot of this stuff for more than twenty years. The whole new impact-reduction movment has refreshed my commitment and my hope for the future.
August 30, 2007 at 4:19 pm
This is a P.S. to my post above:
I want to respond to the comment on the newspaper website that criticized graphic designers as evil carbon-burners. As a post-secondary instructor myself, I just want to say that Miranda, your post about how to be more responsible in your teaching really got me to think carefully about how I burn carbon in the classroom, or require my students to do so, and how to avoid it. Thanks.
August 31, 2007 at 10:41 pm
It’s very sad that you’ve been criticised like this. Encouragement is so much more productive! I enjoy reading No Impact Man’s blog but have given up reading the Comments there because I was becoming discouraged by all the criticism directed at Colin. I love your comment “So, I should just go buy a Hummer and feed my children fast food from now on?” Surely anything a person does towards minimizing their negative impact on the environment is a good thing? As someone who still has a long way to go, I need encouragement rather than alienation from those who are further along!
Thank you for sharing your journey here
September 1, 2007 at 8:11 pm
i am sorry to hear that people actually say that to you! how horrible! please know how inspirational you are….
September 2, 2007 at 2:37 pm
You go, girl. Life is short. Be you - whatever you decide that is, at any moment in time.
P.S. The beauty of your own site/home/life is that you can choose to not publish cruelty from others. Everyone deserves such goodness.
September 2, 2007 at 11:11 pm
I know a solution to your problem, and an answer to those who would criticize you.
Network within the green community. Find some caring, loving couples who never intend to have children. Ask they they ’sponsor’ your children, so that, in effect, your children become the numbers of the planet that replace them instead of their own kin. Form close relationships with these people, so that they benefit from the relationship in knowing your wonderful children.
By creating a link between childless couples and your own children, you are not only creating community, you are giving the joy of children to those who have none, whether through their own choice or not.
Your children are not, and never will be mistakes or burdens. They are lucky to have you as a parent - someone who is willing to question the status quo, and make changes in this world for the better. And they, in turn, will make the world a better place from what they learn from you. In time, you will learn even more from them.
People who criticise you are ignorant. Although having five children these days would be an un-environmentally friendly decision to make, we can’t change the decisions we made in the past. My great-great-great grandmother had 17 children. Should I go hang myself because I wouldn’t be here had she only had two children, instead of the 17?
Be proud and happy you have healthy, wonderful kids. Ignore those who criticise you. If they have nothing positive to contribute, they are not worth listening to.
September 3, 2007 at 5:34 pm
you are an inspiration to me also!! Please don’t let the comments of few stop you from continuing with this blog. I just started on this quest and need all of the help you can give by reading what you and others do.
September 5, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Thank you all for all of the encouragement and kind words. I think it is right - that if I teach the children well, they can also be a positive influence on others.
As I thought further about those comments, I realized that only one of those people (the positive comment - who said the article was inspiring) was anyone who knew me or my family or anything about what we try to accomplish. The rest were from others who don’t read this blog nor know anything about our efforts other than what they think they know or what want to read into it. Sad.
We are not trying to hurt anyone (except maybe Monsanto or McD - by not purchasing their items) or attempting to steal anyone’s thunder.
September 27, 2007 at 7:52 am
OOPS! I left a comment on the How Do I do It post that I meant for this one. Thanks for this post! I applaud any and all changes you are making, cause I am trying to do the same thing. Just taking it one day at a time and making one change at a time.
November 3, 2007 at 7:04 am
I think that 5 children who are growing up with the skills to reduce their ecological footprint are making a much better contribution to the world than one or two kids who consume enough plastic and chemicals for several people.
You are doing excellantly! I too never thought about my impact until recently - a big motivator is undoing teh damage I did when I was young! I get comments like It’s too late and why bother. Just remember that every little bit counts